The K8ee Train

Well it's once again been a long time since I've written in here. It seems like I spent a lot more time on LJ in high school. I don't know if that;s because I found my life so much more interesting, or just because my homies all had livejournals they updated pretty regularly back then. My life feels like so much more of a whirlwind now, and I don't usually pause to reflect in an organized way. I'm pretty happy right now. I've basically enjoyed my classes this semester and I haven't been as intensely lonely as last year. I don't get to see a lot of people but that's because of my work/school schedule, not for lack of interest. Finals are upon us again and I'm dreading them. I'm behind in readings and things, but I'm thankful that whenever it's time for finals or a major due date I tend to get this "oh well," fatalistic attitude. I still study but I don't tend to get anxious. They shouldn't be terrible. Computer Science is what it is, the Latin is just a matter of parking myself somewhere and reviewing, I'm very interested in the American History, and in American Studies I get to write a paper about crossdressing!

I am really looking forward to going home, though. I've been feeling kind of nostalgic for high school lately. I happened upon a short story Raffi wrote at Yale and it was so funny, and so Raffi. It had hilariously erudite references to things and the sentence "Chief Loicano is as corrupt as church Latin, and as much of an institution." Priceless. In general, though, I think a big part of it is that my friends feel more disparate than last year. That's mainly just a feeling, though. I see Grace regularly, and I saw Juliet, Johanna, and Lizzie pretty recently too. I guess it's because our new college lives are not so new anymore that it sometimes feels like I'm losing track of people. I just remind myself that it's more a matter of my own insecurity than anything else. These people are some of my best friends, and I trust that it will stay that way. 

Back to the present: I've written a couple more songs and played some more open mics since last semester. I had a fun if intimate gig at a pizza place in Allston (I ate free!). Base Trip Records is getting off the ground, although I think finals and holidays are slowing us down again. There is the prospect of recording in a real recording studio, and of a proper gig at a real venue, so both of those are exciting. Beyond that, I'm applying to be a Latin TA this summer and beginning to get study abroad plans in order. My goal is Rome next Fall and South Africa in the Spring of '09. 

Fingers crossed!

Current Mood: blank

I haven't written in here all semester, but I happened to look at my page and I don't want to leave my livejournal hanging on such a sad note. A lot has happened and it feels like a million years have gone by since Mike died. It was a terrible thing and it really shook the Benchies for awhile, but I think it also brought everyone a little closer together and for the most part people are feeling better now. 

Since I last wrote, I got a job (at Campus Convenience), had a girlfriend (briefly), and finished a whole other semester. I still don't feel completely attached to BU or completely divorced from Hunter, but I think it's becoming easier and easier. When I left BU to come home, I felt good about my grades and my friends and my overall situation. 

Two weeks ago I went back to Hunter and played two periods of Arts Day. It was awesome! I sold a lot of CDs and got much praise and mainly it was just fun. I wasn't nervous at all and it was much smoother than most of my live performances. I also had a good chat with Ms. Kuberska, who told me a joke about East Berlin that had "fuck" in it. That alone was worth the whole visit.

As nice as it was, I certainly felt more distant from the place than I did at Homecoming, and frankly this whole year. It was kind of sad, but kind of comforting. It's really time to move on, and witnessing that change and feeling it in a definite way makes it easier to move forward and really dig into all the new things going on.

And there are a lot of new things going on. I am just overflowing with life plans right now. I'm doing a Classics/American Studies double major, I'm going to be a camp counselor this summer, I just finished my second CD, called "Good Things in Small Packages" (lovely cover art by Grace), and I have developing plans to go to Israel and to study abroad in South Africa. It'll be difficult, but I think I can make them happen. Some people think this much certainty and planning is a bad thing, and sometimes I think it is too, but right now I'm grateful for such a strong sense of direction and such intense discipline. I think if I didn't have these plans, I would really lose momentum and have trouble coming back to school or really doing much of anything.

It's really been a hard year, in completely different ways than I anticipated. I thought the social part would be easy, and being away from my parents and having to do my own laundry would be the tough part. In reality, finding friends was definitely the biggest challenge. But being away from BU has given me time to realize it has happened, and, even more importantly, that the friends I already had are just as important to me now as they've ever been.

Current Mood: introspective

I went to a party last night. It was a pretty typical party. Friends, friends of friends, smoking, drinking, some pot, some shrooms. Nikki, Devin, and I left around 12 and went back to Nikki's place, where they watched "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and I, as I do, fell asleep. Devin and I came back home around 4 a.m. 

This morning, I saw Jayson and Lauren in the dining hall and Jayson informed me that Angel Mike, one of the bench folk, had jumped out a window and killed himself the night before. He had done shrooms and smoked pot and apparently had been drinking too. He and Sarah went back to his place to hang out, where he got in a fight with his roommate, said something about how he wasn't scared of him, turned, and jumped out his window. He cracked his skull open, lost a lot of blood, and died in the hospital. Sarah saw the whole thing. They're saying it will be on the news and in the paper.

I had only met Mike a few times before, although I was talking to him last night. He was a nice guy, very genial. Last night was his first time doing shrooms. 

Freakish occurrences like this tend to first leave you unable to believe they actually happened, then dazed, and then angry and wondering why they happened. I don't know why this happened. The aggravating truth of it is that there isn't any reason why it had to happen. Last night was the same kind of party tons of people have all the time. This was a stupid and very preventable thing. 

I know it would be pointless to tell anyone reading this not to drink or do drugs. You're big kids, you're in college, you're going to drink and do drugs, or even if you don't you won't be able to prevent people around you from doing them. I would just like to implore you to please take care of yourselves and your friends and your acquaintances. Mike shouldn't have mixed alcohol with the shrooms. When he tried to someone should have stopped him. But everyone just figured what the hell, or else we were too out of it to notice what was going on. Last night has driven home to me just how quickly a regular, festive night can turn into an unexpected tragedy.

Haven't written on here since the last vacation, which is surprising to me. I usually can't resist recording events and things, but the past month has gone by so fast and been so busy that it really hasn't occurred to me to do an entry until now. Things really picked up for me when I got back from Thanksgiving. It's not that I did so much more or suddenly had tons of friends, exactly, it's just that my outlook switched into a more relaxed and positive mode than before, so what I had began to look better. I go through such abrupt and strong periods of feeling bad or feeling good. But I've been riding this pleasant wave for the last month and I'm enjoying it. My finals all went pretty well, although I ended up with a B- in Stat again, which proves that I learned nothing this semester. Overall, I'm satisfied with my grades and looking forward to next semester, when I have class three days a week, and none of those classes are math or science.

I saw the lighting of the tree at Boston Common with Devin and Sarah B, which was fun. There were fireworks! Although the Boston tree is a mere 42 feet, which is pretty shrimpy compared to Rockefeller Center's 88 ft tree. Sarah D decorated our room in sparkles and christmas lights, which I was too lazy to do, although I enjoyed it. I spent some quality time with Devin, Nikki, and the Benchies, and ran into Kake at pretty much every meal for a week. I got to DJ a radio show by myself on Dad's birthday, which was SO MUCH FUN. Hopefully I'll be doing it again during finals week in May, for anyone who missed it, or heard and enjoyed the first one. 

Homecoming was really nice. It was good to see everyone again, although Ms. Kuberska wasn't there :-(. I miss Hunter and the atmosphere there, but I don't have this longing to be back there, as I thought I might. Especially since they redid the floors in a lot of the rooms in this "clown vomit" pattern that is truly blinding. Someone stole the clock we got Ms. Mazzola for the Latin room. We chatted with her for a while, but eventually she had to admit that she had a class to teach. We also saw Ms. Aboody, who talked with us about erections, and Ms. Sewell, who told me and Johanna not to be sluts. 

Christmas was good, despite the fact that everyone in my family except Dad has had some nasty stomach virus this week.  Yesterday I went on an awesome bowling excursion with the homies, Dan, Ami, and Ni. Rolling Thunder rolls on!

Diana and I went to see "Notes on a Scandal" today, which was suitably creepy. Although, as I suspected I would, I sympathized with Judi Dench, who was a creepy, obsessive, manipulative old lesbian. I'm feeling sort of disconnected right now, though not for any good reason. These things come and go.

I guess that's about it for now. More in the future...

Current Mood: floaty

School's been good. Still pretty lonely but it has improved. I watched "Tom Jones" with Kake, and we both enjoyed it although we agreed it was pretty fucked up. I LOVE Albert Finney. I'm now President, Vice President, and Treasurer of Spectrum (aka Queen of the Queers, as Grace said). It's not bad but the club has some serious financial issues that I now have to work out. Any club that budgets $500 exclusively for DVDs of "Queer as Folk" has some finance problems. Still like my classes, and I'm still doing pretty good in all of them. It's a good thing Infectious Diseases is ending soon though, because the longer that goes on, the more I mess up and the more my grades drop. Lab is always fun in that class. I'm careless with fires and E.coli, and I spend most of my time scratching myself and playing with the striker. I don't think it's going to be me who discovers a cure for cancer.

I registered for the spring semester and I'm really looking forward to it. I have no class on Wednesdays and Fridays, and I'm taking all classes I want to take: Latin poetry, American short stories, Amerian history 1968-now, and intro to American Studies. Those are all smaller classes except for the history one, and I'm hoping I'll be more able to meet people in them. I've found it hard to make friends at BU because it's so big.

It feels wonderful to be home again. I got home last night and I was giddy. I could have kissed the toothless guy on the E train who called me "mama". I walked around in Central Park before meeting the homies (minus Juliet) for lunch, and it felt so right to be back here. I like Boston, but it's so obvious that I belong here. The excitement of being home, seeing everyone again, and the holiday is making me feel like an excited little kid. I love it. 

So that's essentially all there  is. Happy Thanksgiving!

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Ringo purring

I'm doing fine. I went to Salem yesterday with Devin, Nikki, and Devin's roommates. Salem's a cute town, full of witch stuff, which would make the Puritans who hanged them 300 years ago pretty pissed. They must be spinning in their graves, some of which we saw when we walked through a really old cemetary. We walked around the town, went to a store that sold top hats and hand-painted capes with pictures of owls on them for $500 (pretty but how practical?), walked down to a little lighthouse, and generally chilled. Then I came back and practiced my grooves for a while. 

Anyway, in the course of my research for a paper on Rome and Carthage, I found this paraphrase of a lost Carthaginian writing. It seems the Carthaginians were exploring Africa, looking for trade routes, when this happened:

"In this Gulf was an island like the one last mentioned, with a lake which contained another island. This was full of savages; by far the greater number were women with hairy bodies, called 'gorillas' by our interpreters. We gave chase to the men but could not catch any for they climbed up steep rocks and pelted us with stones. However we captured three women who bit and scratched their captors. We killed and flayed them and brought their skins back to Carthage. This was as far as we could sail owing to lack of provisions."

Silly Carthaginians...

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Jack Johnson through the wall

The last couple of days have been pretty good. On Monday, Jackie and I went to a lecture on the Messiah by Elie Wiesel. It was really interesting, although it was also very warm and we had just eaten so we both dozed off for awhile. The lecture prompted me to read "Night", which was excellent. I can't believe I didn't read it until now. I also discovered YouTube, which has old clips of "Doug", "Daria", "Clarissa Explains It All", as well as Jessica Tandy accepting a Tony Lifetime Achievement award, Mary Louise Parker in her underwear, lots of Audrey Hepburn, and Kathy Bates giving a speech about Stephen King. Where has this been all my life?

I volunteered at MassEquality Friday, and met some nice kids. I also conquered my fear of calling people on the phone, since I had to call 122 registered voters to find out if they were planning to vote for Allen McCarthy. On the way to MassEquality, I passed the Massachusetts State House, which has a "General Hooker Entrance", which tickled me to no end. I also passed the Boston Athenaeum, a majestic library with a little gallery, and it turned out that today (Saturday) was the last day of their exhibit, "Depictions of the Banjo"! I went this morning, and it was really cool. 

Then came the best part. I picked up Grace at Yawkey, and we had a long splendid day, with lots of walking, laughing, and Finding Nemo gummy snacks. We went to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, as recommended by Ms. Rich, and it was really cool. It's a three-story mansion with rooms full of art of various periods and regions. There weren't many information cards, so we were left to figure out what was what, which was fun. We also tried (often in vain) to translate the latin on a lot of the works. We giggled at Jesus as usual, and were amused to find two bunnies humping each other the bottom of a big intricate tapestry. Afterwards we walked around more, ate dinner, walked around, had hot chocolate (and a construction worker chatted with me), went back to the dorm, and then Grace returned home. I took a nice, although chilly, walk through Brookline, and here I am. It's nice that I had a good couple of days, because I have serious work to do this week. I have two papers, a bunch of club things, the radio show, and, most importantly, I have to practice my moves. Saturday the 28th I'm dancing in a hard hat to En Vogue's "Whatta Man" at BU's Masquerade Ball. Why? I couldn't say. 

Still pretty lonely, but I'm doing my best, and surely I'll attract lots of people with this drag dance on Saturday. Who could resist that?

Current Mood: chipper

The last two weeks have been a mix, but my lows never last that long and I'm feelin pretty good right now. Class is good. I like them all except for Statistics, which really cannot be made interesting. It's been a month and already half the class doesn't show up, and the other half falls asleep (myself included). I'm really enjoying interning at the radio station WTBU (the Beat of Boston University!). Our show is "Over Yonder", two hours of folk and bluegrass on Tuesday nights. You can listen online if you go to http:///www.wtburadio.org. I recommend checking it out. I may be talking on it soon, and at the very least you'll hear quality music. I've been reviewing CDs for the office, and I've heard a lot of weird stuff, including a punk rock cover of the "Sailor Moon" theme song and a collection of uptempo latin songs with dirty lyrics. I've been made secretary of Spectrum, the gay club. They're a nice bunch, although we seem to have trouble attracting people to our meetings. On Saturday night from 11 p.m. to 4 a.m. I helped Habitat for Humanity raise money by cleaning Agganis Arena. It was gross. There was beer, and popcorn, and beer-soaked popcorn. But I did find $1.60 on the floor, and it's all mine!

I've been hanging out with the bench kids: Jonah, Amber, Devin, Nicky, and sometimes other people. We sit under Jonah's army blanket, they chain smoke, and we have pleasant conversations and watch the world go by. It's fun. And they're great connections. Devin knows everything that goes on in Boston, and Amber makes a really good calzone. If anyone comes to visit, we're getting a calzone from her. 

Also, I've acquired a taste for smooth, swinger jazz from the '60s, especially Henry Mancini, who did the music for "Breakfast at Tiffany's", "The Pink Panther", and that song "Baby Elephant Walk", among other things. If you want a mix, don't hesitate to ask :-). My own music isn't really going anywhere. I've been practicing, but less often. I'm trying to write a song about Boston, but I'm short on words at the moment. We'll see how it develops.

I guess that's it for now. One thing that has been surprising is how much homework there is. I always have a ton of homework to do. Like now, for instance. So off I go, back to the realm of ogives and empirical rules

A parting quote, from my reading about Archimedes, when he discovered the displacement of water and uttered the famous "Eureka!": "Those observing a naked man flying past them in the street certainly must have wondered if he had lost more than he had found!"

Current Location: Dorm room
Current Mood: swingin
Current Music: Peter Gunn- Henry Mancini

I've sat down to write an entry about school a few times since I got here, but I've had trouble organizing my thoughts. I think this is because I have very mixed emotions about the place. I've been pleasantly surprised with some things. My room is clean, and a good size, the showers work well, the food is good (there's so much tofu!), and I like my classes. I also like my roommate a lot. We're very different people, but we respect each others' space and get along well. 

For all that, though, it's been tough for me socially. BU feels like the high school I never went to. There are some people who just won't talk to you. Although to be fair, I've also been surprisingly shy. I have a lot of trouble approaching people.

But it's not all lonely and sad. Most of the time, I like it here. The campus is nice, and it's nice to be right on the river. I also like Brookline, which is the next town over. I've hung out with some people. Last night, four of us went to this park at night and it was really nice, and one of the girls, Amber, bought my CD! 

There's a also a good deal of stuff going on here. I went to meetings for the radio station, Habitat for Humanity, and Spectrum, the gay club, this week, and I liked all of them. They're screening "Fried Green Tomatoes" on Thursday, which I think is a good sign. I'm going to see Paul Simon in October and African acoustic music in November.

I didn't feel homesick til this weekend. I think it's started to sink in that I'm going to be here for a LONG time. It's not that here is so bad, but I think I was unusally lucky at home. I got along with my family, school was good, I had great friends. I don't particularly want to reinvent myself in college.

Things may pick up this week. I was very fevery all of last week, and that tends to darken your outlook. 

I guess we'll see...

It's now my last week home. August was a good month, although it went by surprisingly fast. I spent most of it playing guitar and watching movies. I counted up all the change and singles and I made $280 from playing in the park and CD sales. Not bad, but I think I better go to college anyway. Over the last few weeks I've become totally into Audrey Hepburn, and I've seen a LOT of her movies, along with some other, non-Audrey ones. I only just realized what a good selection of movies the Mid-Manhattan library has, although they're mostly on VHS. 

I've been very lucky to have been able to get together with various combinations of the homies on various occasions. But pretty much everyone's gone now, with the exception of the UChicago people. Luckily, I have a lot of minutiae to think about this week, so I haven't been able to be real lonely yet. 

It's been rainy the last couple of days, but I didn't mind much because it was cooler and reminded me of Fall. I love fall. Every year I get excited when it gets a little cooler and school starts. I'm excited for BU. I've met some people on facebook, and my roommate seems really nice. Also, Jackie will be there, and she promised we'd stick together because 1) It's sad to eat dinner alone and 2) She needs my graphing calculator. I am going to miss Hunter though. 

For anyone who's in college now and sees this, or for people who are still hanging around, good luck. I watched a silent movie called "The Plastic Age", about the debauchery that goes on at college, and one of the title cards said "Second only to the thrill of the first pair of long trousers-College!", and that's pretty much how I feel.

Current Mood: mixed
Current Music: Another Brick in the Wall- Pink Floyd

Today has been a pretty displeasing day. I woke up and went to the dentist to get fillings put in, and there was a lot of drilling and cotton in my mouth and tooth shards flying, and then I spent the rest of the day scrubbing mold off the ceiling of my mom's bathroom. I was sweating like nobody's business, falling over the toilet, and twisting into unholy positions. It reminded me of Wallflowers, without the companionship. Also, when all is said and done, there isn't a mural on the ceiling, just somewhat less mold. I'm beginning to feel a little stupid for volunteering to paint my sister's room next week. On the other hand, I had a pleasure overload when I was watching "Full House" today and Steve Urkel guest-starred. I live like a rock star. 

Speaking of being a rock star, I've had mixed success with the music this week. I went to the park Monday, and it was so hot I couldn't stay out there. I moved to the Writers' Walk, where Avery and Liz Leshen found me, and Avery very kindly bought a CD off of me. That was almost the only money I made Monday. There were people around, but they were being cheap. On the plus side, Avery showed my CD to Pete, who also bought one. 

Yesterday I ran into Anna on the street and Robert in the subway. Small world. 

I've felt a little bored periodically this summer, but I haven't experienced the "growing melancholy" Raffi and I both anticipated at the graduation party. I think guitar has been good for me. Even though I don't do it that often, I always know I can, and it helps focus my week. I've also seen/spoken to people more than usual. Reading helps too. Here's a charming anecdote from a book about Peter the Great:

"For Peter, walking into Lefort's house was like stepping onto a different planet. Here were wit, charm, hospitality, entertainment, relaxation, and usually the exciting presence of women. Sometimes, they were the respectable wives and pretty daughter of the foreign merchants and soldiers, dressed in the latest Western gowns. More often, they were the rollicking, unshockable wenches whose role it was to see that no man was gloomy, buxom, sturdy women who did not take offense at barracks language or the admiring touch of male hands."

Current Mood: rollicking,sturdy,unshockable

It's been a pretty good week since I last wrote. I played guitar in the park two more times, and to date I've made 75 dollars and half a Euro. I got a sunburn, I was asked to sing "Brown Eyed Girl" into someone's cell phone, and several people posed with me for pictures. Strange but fun encounters. Two little boys asked me to play a "cowboy" song, but they were satisfied with the non-cowboy song I came up with, and two Italian boys asked me to play something that rocked and were satisfied with my rendition of "Wonderwall". Five people from Michigan and Chicago hung out with me for awhile and liked that I kept "Hand in My Pocket" low. 

I saw Lizzie, Juliet, and Aileen on Tuesday and said some dumb things, such as "It's like Tivo, but the ceiling!", and when we were discussing filling a bathtub with money, Juliet said "I wonder how much it would cost to fill a bathtub", and I said "it doesn't cost anything, stupid. You do it every day...Oh. With MONEY!" 

Despite those dumb comments, I'm actually smart. I've been reading about Eleanor Roosevelt all week, I got a 5 on the Latin AP, and, get this, a magazine called "Shampoo" is going to publish "Banana Expoetics"! Johanna, you've been immortalized!

I went to the Ani Difranco concert with Johanna and her sister on Thursday. We had a good time. The opening acts were both good, and so was Ani, although she only played for an hour and half. I really admire her lyrics. I've been frustrated by the lack of clarity in my thoughts and writing lately, which was funny, because last night I sat down and wrote a surprisingly clear diary entry about my lack of clarity.

One last thing: Grace and I started an lj community called "fgtfans" for fans of fgt (imagine!). Join!

Well that's about it for me. Peace out homies.

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Evolve-Ani Difranco

I ventured out to Central Park to play my guitar today. I was planning to stand near Bethesda Fountain, but they were shooting a disney movie called "Enchanted" there so there was too much commotion (and a lot of people in liederhosen). Instead, I played about halfway down the Writers' Walk. It was very pleasant. It was shady and cool and people were basically supportive. I made a whopping $8.16. That's not a very impressive sum, but other people smiled, gave me thumbs up, stopped to listen, etc. so I felt good about it. I saw Ms. Kuberska! She gave me a dollar :-). Also, a very cute Italian family with two little girls came by and listened and danced for a while, and when they left the girls said "ciao". 

Later on this very enthusiastic jogger stopped, told me he liked my music and "the Metropolitans" (I was wearing a Mets cap), and then borrowed my guitar to play a song. He gave me some pointers, then scampered away, yelling at people that they should listen to me as he went. Weird. He can be president of my fan club.

So it was a clunky but fun beginning. I think I could make a career out of this. At least til the summer's over.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: This Could Be The Last Time-The Rolling Stones

What an emotionally exhausting two weeks it's been since school ended. First of all, it seems like a million years since I actually sat in a classroom. I enjoyed the last day. It was really nice to sit on the steps with much of the grade and enjoy each others' company. The rest of the gals went to a party at night but I went home because I was sleepy. Since then I've been over Juliet's a few times (fun and busty), gone to the Mermaid Parade (fun and busty also!), and graduated. I enjoyed graduation too. I was very nervous all day, although not about speaking, really, since I think my speech was the easiest (it was short and not my own words), but just about the whole thing. But once the ceremony started I just enjoyed it. Grace and Simon delivered their speeches well, as did the grownup speakers. Even though Jennifer Raab gives the same speech every year, I don't think it's a bad speech. My speech went well too, although once again people didn't know when it was over.

Grad party was fun. No one has to tell me I looked silly. I'm aware. I got home at 3:30 and then woke up at 7 for Jackie's graduation, which was also nice. 

So here I am, numb and tired. I'm too tired to feel sad about Hunter ending, but I do have this nagging sort of feeling, which I think is the "growing melancholy" Raffi was talking about at grad party. It might help if we ever saw the sun again.

Time marches on, however. I'm going to BU for Orientation today. I should come back with a schedule and possibly a room assignment. Wish me luck.

Also, if anyone has pictures from graduation that pertaineth to me, please send them to me or post them on Facebook. I have very few.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Kissing the Lipless- The Shins

Well. I had a really good time at Prom. I would say it was about equally as fun as Semi last year, and I had a very good time at Semi. As I think everyone agreed, the Lighthouse was really pretty-the space, the music, the food were all good. Dan looked really cute in his hat. I was pleasantly surprised at how many people danced. Just about everyone danced for at least a little while. I personally got down with Ben, Dan, Charles, Jeffrey, all my homegirls, Ami (til she fled :-)), Ms. Aboody, and Mr. Randolph. 

Afterwards, we went to Chiara's house to change and then after some deliberation and arguments with the limo company, we wound up at the party in Forest Hills, which was across the street from my building. I had a good time at the party, which surprised me since I wasn't drinking. But it was a nice house (less nice when we got through with it), and people were friendly, except for Kyle, who pushed Juliet's date into the pool, and Justin, who tried to start a fistfight with Grace's date. Both of them took it very well. 

We were pretty bedraggled by the time we got to school, and although I had been in high spirits all night, I finally crashed during "I, Claudius". I went home, slept for four hours, then slept for 12 more. 

Yesterday, I went to Jackie's confirmation, which was in a very nice church in Garden City. The lady behind us was singing hymns really loud and really tone-deafly. She also was looking disapprovingly at us because we weren't sure when to stand up and when to sit down. And also because we weren't saying the "amen"s. And also because we're no good Jew-lookin Jews. 

The days since Prom have been a blur of sleeping, separated by brief periods of wakefulness. I'm feeling all right, but I'm sort of worried about the summer. I don't want to end up depressed like last summer. I'm excited about BU, but since the Awards Ceremony, I've been pretty melancholy about Hunter ending. I don't think I really enjoyed Hunter a lot until this year. This year felt different. In my experience, people were more friendly to me, and it was easier to talk to teachers, and even though I didn't take advantage of being a senior, it was good to have some implied authority. I'm not looking forward to being the youngest again. I'm really going to miss Hunter. I'll miss my friends of course, but I believe I'll stay in touch with them. It's all the other people, the people I like a lot but only ever see in school, that I'll miss.
 
It's stupid to dwell on this though. School is ending. I think I'm lucky too, because I feel like I'm pretty much who I want to be right now. I don't owe any explanations or apologies to people. I can just say my goodbyes, and go, without regret. 

I hope I can hold it together at graduation.

Current Mood: emotional

I thought I had experienced sticky surfaces and sticky materials before, but they all seem downright not sticky compared to today. 

At 10:00, Johanna and I went down to set up the milkshake booth. We were done by 10:05, so Johanna artfully arranged the cups in a gentle curving, color-coordinated line of fabulousness. The table was quite beautiful. So we admired it briefly and then got really hot so we sat under the table and waited for someone to see how cute we were. No one did, but we knew it in our hearts.

For the first hour the milkshake booth was equipped with 12 cartons of milk, a bottle of chocolate syrup, and the charm of its salespeople. The ice cream didn't come for an hour, but we did a decent business selling people discounted chocolate milk.

Then the ice cream came, and things got intense. The idiots at Ben and Jerry's think it's a good idea to sell and transport ice cream in cardboard boxes, which leaked and fell apart quickly. Logic was out the window. Grace was presiding over the chocolate, which was a solid block all day even though it was in the sun, while the strawberry, which was on ice, melted into the ice and caused sticky chaos. 

So by 2:00 Grace and I were up to our elbows in ice cream, chopping away at it like cavemen with ice cream scoops, Johanna and I were having a race with time and fate and the strawberry ice cream, and the sun had been beating down mercilessly on us for four hours.

A little later, I unstuck myself and after some technical difficulties, I got to play my set. I had a very good time. My homies stayed, and so did quite a bunch of other people. It was a receptive crowd, and i didn't mess anything up. Mr. Crouch came up and very sincerely complimented me afterwards, as did a lot of people. 

By then i was sweating like a pig, sunburned, and doing my post-concert shakes. Lizzie, Aileen and I found everyone's blenders and cleaned them as best we could. Then we hung out in the art room with Torrey and had a very artsy couple of hours. I sang and played guitar, Aileen harmonized :-), and Torrey painted while Lizzie drew Torrey. 

So here I am, with a pronounced trucker tan, but I'm clean again, and that's what matters.

Current Mood: not sticky!
Current Music: Earth Bird- Abdullah Ibrahim

I've dried out and clammed up since earlier today. Dr. Phil is playing in the background, and he's encouraging his audience to take responsibility for the things they do. So,

Lizzie, I'm sorry I snapped at you. But as I'm sure you remember from that time TJ busted through the tape wall at Rep, you always yell at the ones you love.

Grace, thanks for your jacket and for being a shoulder to whine on, even though the impending Calc AP was gnawing away at you.

Juliet, thanks for that strange exchange on 86th street, and for also hating the Stat test.

Johanna, I'm sorry you weren't interested in the state of my pants. But not so sorry that I won't tell you about it next time :-).

The stat test was bad, but pretty much what I expected. Today was a tough day. I was cold, wet, and sensitive all day. Probably all three were due to the weather. I don't really know what the problem was, but it cleared itself up for now, and there you have it.

Good luck tomorrow, guys.

Current Mood: okay

I had the toplessest Spring Break ever! The fortiest toplessest Spring Break ever! 

I finished the collected novels of Carson McCullers. I liked it a lot, but they are very depressing stories, and I was sort of in a grim mood all week, so the combination didn't help. Now I'm reading the Da Vinci Code, which is a lot of fun. 

I checked out the CUNY dorms with Torrey and Lizzie. We all agreed that they looked old, but loved. Then Lizzie and I met up with some of the others and we went to the park, chilled, rowed, ate ice cream. I got a sunburn. I seem to get a silly sunburn that makes me look like a trucker around this time every year. I always forget what a fair maiden I am. I watched "Norma Rae" and "Silkwood", which were good in the same way, and "Silence of the Lambs", which was good in a different way.

It was a very indistinct week. I actually can't remember what I spent my time doing for most of it. Sometimes it creeps me out how I can go for weeks and then not remember any of it. 

I went to Boston at 3:30 a.m. Friday. It was fun. The town looks nice as usual, everyone seems pretty friendly. We went to "Women in Ancient Rome", and I was relieved to see that the whole class was bored and hadn't done the reading. The BU admissions people like to tout all their fellows and fancy lab researching students, but it was good to see a room full of disinterested kids. I liked the class a lot, and I took it as a good sign that the professor announced a conference on Ancient Roman culture that afternoon that I would have gone to, had I been a student. The three of us went to lunch, and were all extremely impressed by the dessert, which was mousse in a chocolate cup with a piece of chocolate on top that the BU seal on it, which has the "latin" phrase "universitas bostoniensis". 

Here's the kicker. I really liked the concert! We walked in there, and there were a lot of people in wacky makeup and outfits (and the naked girl in the bathroom), and when we went in this band called "porsches on the autobahn", a fake-german techno band with stupid sunglasses was jumping around on stage singing about sticking a penis in your eye. There's a song I wish I had written. After that, Humanwine came on and they were like a real band. They were very interesting-sort of a mix of punk, gypsy jazz, and cabaret music. Lizzie and Juliet were squealing about how cute the singer, Holly was, and she was pretty cute. I liked the guy in the bowler hat who played the trumpet, slide trumpet, accordian, and glockenspiel. Then there was a guy who swallowed swords and a woman who hula-ed while stripping, although, as we indignantly commented to a guy on line at the 7-Eleven later, "she didn't take off her pasties!" The Dresden Dolls themselves were cool. I thought they were interesting. They had a lot of influences and they were really good musicians. They had a lot energy and charisma too. It was good all around. 

It's going to be disorienting to go back "Hischoolius Hunteriensis" tomorrow.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: This May Be the Last Time- Staple Singers

Our good friend the college process, that unholy succubus that has been a part of our lives since as least the spring of last year, and for many longer than that, is finally ending. It feels so strange. It feels so good. The closure is terrific.

A lot of people are upset by how our school did admissions-wise. And I think were a lot of undeserved rejections and waitlisting, but I'm feeling pretty zen about it. All my friends got into multiple schools, and I think we're all pretty happy with the options before us. 

It feels like all my responsibilities came to an end this week. I got all of my college responses, I did WELL on a stat test, we're getting down to the very last thing at Wallflowers. It's so refreshing. 

So here's the final list, if anyone is interested but didn't want to ask, of my college results

Bates-accepted
Brown- rejected
Boston University- accepted and where I'm going
Carleton- waitlisted, but I took my name off
Harvard- deferred, then rejected
Michigan- deferred, still waiting
CUNY Honors- accepted
Vassar- rejected

I'm not going to miss the college process. I don't ever want to have to need anything from Ms. Garcia again, I don't want to ask any teachers for anything, I don't want to write essays about my soul, I don't want to go on interviews where the guy doesn't notice I'm there, or doesn't think I'm funny and then escorts me out the back way. 

We did our time, we got our free magnets and mints, we did all right. 

Congratulations everybody.

Current Mood: calm

It's been a nice calm couple of days. Friday I went to P.S. 196 and dropped off two bags of kids books for their library. They painted the school in really vibrant murals, and I was sort of overstimulated, but it was nice to drop by. I didn't get to see anyone, because they don't like teenagers wandering their hallways there, but I made up for it by going to Austin Street and seeing "She's the Man", which was not terrible. Amanda Bynes is funny, anyway. The movie is rated PG-13 for "schoolyard language and transgender innuendo", and I've been thinking that if the Flipping Pixies thing doesn't work out, Transgender Innuendo would be an excellent name for a band. Next Arts Day...if there is one...

Speaking of Arts Days, I'm becoming such a celebrity. At the movie theater, it was pitch black and there was no one there except me and a group of like seven or eight girls who seemed a few years younger than me. So they were talking and giggling about how they couldn't see and they couldn't eat their nachos and what if they were sitting on some creepy pervert RIGHT NOW, and then all of a sudden one of them yells out "Hey, were you in Arts Day?" and I do a little "Who, me?" and they say "yeah!", and I say "yeah", and then they all erupted into a chorus of "I loved your song! I love what you do! You rock!" And then the movie started and they forgot but I didn't and it was excellent.

Then I got home and got deferred from the University of Michigan and accepted into CUNY Honors. I'm really glad to be in college, although I'm not going to lie that it isn't kind of scaring me that I got deferred from Michigan. It's a good school, yes, but it isn't supposed to be very hard to get into, and not harder than a bunch of the schools I applied to. I wasn't worrying about this before, but now I get all anxious when the mail comes, so I'm glad it's Sunday. Yay CUNY Honors though. You get your own room and a free laptop, and already all the information came in such a nice folder!

Then I watched "Desert Hearts", which is the good lesbian movie of importance from the eighties. The bad one is "Personal Best". "Desert Hearts" is a little dated, I think, but it was pretty gripping. I spent the whole time yelling at the older one "fuck your life back home in New York! She's so cute! And she's wearing one of those western shirts! and she's standing in the rain kissing you!"

Last night I went out to dinner with the family and we all discussed how ridiculous penises are. We all pretty much agree that they're silly and boys shouldn't be in such a rush to show them off. Dad was more amused than insulted, so good for him. Then we all watched "the 40-year-old virgin" which was VERY funny and surprisingly warmhearted, although still not a movie to watch with your parents. Our favorite family film is still "Showgirls".

So all in all it's been an emotionally draining weekend. There was praise, there was was deferral, there was acceptance. And as always, there was transgender innuendo.

Current Mood: afraid of the mail